wrap around your dreams

I've been having dreams again. Vivid short dreams that I can still remember upon waking. There are periods when I don't remember a single dream I have, and then days, weeks, months where nearly every night there is a short clip I can replay. About two weeks ago I had a dream about my brother. It has been months since he appeared in a dream. Although, I'm not sure if he was actually in my dream, but he was mentioned. I was at home and my mother needed to get her tattoo removed, since she has a memorial tattoo of my brother on her shoulder. I remember it being very important because he was not dead, and the tattoo needed to go away. 

I knew, I think even in my dream, that this was just a dream. I didn't have the hard pit in the bottom of my stomach upon waking. Even my subconsciousness knew that my brother was dead. I'm not sure if that is a comfort. It makes me uncomfortable to think about it in a way that might be conceived as closure. Not when I am so easily swayed back to anger and denial. 

I recently took back down off my bookshelf the grief book that I started nearly a year ago. Although I know the benefits of reading the book far outweigh me not finishing it, I can't help but see the significance in finishing the book. If I finish it, every last word, then I've read the chapter on acceptance. I have finished the book. Where does that leave me? Am I in acceptance of my brother's death? Maybe that is an odd question because obviously my brother has been dead for the last 15 months, but somehow if I finish the book, then there is nothing more. 

I think maybe I need to stop over thinking and just finish the book. Nothing is going to change. Maybe I'll sleep on it and make a decision tomorrow or the next day. Maybe wait until I have another vivid dream. Sometimes before I close my eyes at night I wish that I'd have a dream about my brother, because I can still hear his voice, which actually is really comforting.